Giving Up?

They profess allegiance

and email encouragement

‘we are with you all the way’

until currency is viewed. . .

‘Aahh, at a price, only tiny though

so don’t worry,

you wont even notice’.

The distancing. . . we all do it,

frivolous internet advertising images,

virtual reality,

conning the viewer.

A genuine promise

to wipe the slate clean. . .

‘this is what we’ll do for you. . . ’

The deep foreboding of a

January Tuesday morning

in 2009 and now again in 2010

a solicitor’s little stubby fingers,

self-appointed pontiff

bridging the gap over his notebook

his rosy cheeks

and thinning hair

happy to give sober advice

and unwittingly

brandishing his sword of justice,

the sword of Pericles!

So I'm on my own again

and just as before like that

nurse in Pearl Harbor

‘I don’t know what to do’.

Do not rely on family

when geography keeps

us physically apart

and age causes

us to understand

that wartime saying

‘a bridge too far’.

It is only for a time.

Family support comes

down the line

and over the net

. . . cards and totally

unexpected special

deliveries.

Those incredible selfless cheques

from Essex;

the bank note sliding out from

inside Mum’s letter

‘something for your supper love. . .

bear up; it will soon be better’.

The call from Dad to confirm a deposit.

A note with a ‘note’ from Kapsis

and Rectory Cottage.

So is it Dido

after all?

. . . and I will go down

with the ship?

God knows

There are times

I want to.

For there is no joy

in this wretched life

nor ever has been. . .

a barren life.

No achievement

Emptiness

No intimacy

No bed to share

Just another Ursula. . .

a Lady in Lavender.

So his goal remains

the same.

He will not go a day beyond

2023 and preferably much sooner.

This has been hell on earth

These 57 miserable years.

No need or desire

to cling onto life.

Let others run the race

I’m no Paul nor even Saul.

I've dropped the baton

I cannot pick it up.

I am tired

So, so tired.

Physically and mentally drained.

I want this horrid wreck

to keel over

and sink beneath the depths. . . . . . . . . . . .

But His reply?

Spoken with the gentleness

beyond comprehension

and yet having the power

and precision of the master

craftsman.

Do not give up I say to you!

I will not even countenance

your capitulation.

See this instead

as being on the anvil.

I am honing you as

Gold is honed in the fire.

Just accept that the process

by simple definition

is not going to be painless;

but you will be purified.[i]

Look around you.

See your family, your friends

the people within your gates

that I show you.

Consider those who give their

lives at the fountain of youth

in distant lands

and then consider again those

words. . . . . .

Do you really dare to say to Me

‘these 57 miserable years’?

No. Quite. I thought not.

Stand rebuked!

Be chastised.

Be greatly blessed that

you have learned this lesson from Me.

Look to the Olympics

Look to the crowning glory

Look behind you and see

the winding path that I have brought you,

and see that every step

along this winding way

is deliberate and calculated

and directed by Me.

THERE! Now you see it.

Looking back you can see your future.

So rejoice and step forth

with courage and be bold.

As Roosevelt himself declared

‘there is nothing to fear but fear itself’.

Green Cauldron

Castle Street, Liverpool 2011

Kenneth Thomas Webb
Liverpool

January 4, 2022
All Rights Reserved

United Kingdom - Austria - Germany - Australia - New Zealand - Canada - USA

© Kenneth Thomas Webb 2022

One of the Fifteen Founding Members of Leaders Lodge

Last Published February 26, 2020

Banner Image Courtesy of Dragi Ražnatović